2013-04-18

Which one's better?


Version 1
Stop
She bit a fox
Trees to the left
And under her nose
He darted
Down wind she drawls
Lipped in a whisper
By sweet saplings on the curve
Pause
She wrote a table from a trunk
A river near the elbow
Smudge prints along the doorframe
The animal escapes
East by the hilltop
Wait
She chased him by ear fur
Rusty on river stones
And in a hollow in a forest
Fair well the dancers
In the shade
On her braided hair
The same shade as the oak bows
Brown
She waded through the willows
Fox pranced a pace ahead
She bit him on the ear as she bothered




***
Version 2
 Stop: she trees, and he down lipped
By she, a smudge
She rusty and
Fair in the brown
She fox, she

Stop
Bit--darted
Wind in sweet, pause,
Wrote river prints (Animal by Chased)
On her same brown
Waded, pranced, bit

Stop a fox, left her nose
She drawls a whisper
Escapes the hill
Wait, him the hollow, the shade
Braided shade
Brown through him

Stop on the curve
Pause the elbow, the doorframe
Top, wait, ear fur, river stones
In a forest, dancers
Hair as the oak bows, brown,
On the ear as she bothered

No one reads this, but if by some miracle someone does, let me know which version is better.

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